“A Gift Wrapped in Barbed Wire” – Series on Life and Mental Health (I)

by Alfred Lam on December 4, 2009

“For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – The Bible

“Daddy!  Good night!”  My 5 year old said to me, as she ran past me into the bathroom,  giggling all the way.

“Good night?!  Don’t you mean good morning?  It’s 8am!”

“Daddy,” she stuck her head back out the bathroom door, “You forgot?  Today is Opposite Day!”

“Oh grrrrreat!” I said as I rolled my eyes. 

So all through the day, “Hello” became “Good bye”; “I’m full” became “I’m hungry”; left is right, up is down, stop means go.  It was like I had to relearn the English language everytime I talked to my little girl.   Thankfully, “Opposite Day” only lasted 24 hours, and at the end of the day, “I’m sleepy” really meant “I’m sleepy” as I tugged her in bed and watched her fall asleep.

For some strange reason I kept thinking about that day as I was driving home after attending a meeting of the Speakers Bureau for the Canadian Mental Health Asoociation – York Region.   I joined the group originally for support as well as a way to use what I learned about mental health to get involved and contribute.  But beyond that, getting to know the stories of the wonderful people involved have made me asked a lot of “opposite day” questions about life:

What is “strength”?  What is “weakness”?

What is “success”?  What is “failure”?

What is a “gift”?  What is a “liability”?

What is “order”? What is “disorder”?

Recently I had the opportunity to sit down and chat with these folks.   In addition to sharing the common passion to help others, each of them bear scars from their own individual battles:

Some lost long careers that they enjoyed: “As much as I am enjoying what I am doing now, I miss what I did before.  I miss it everyday.”   One person said to me.

Others shared their life long pain of loneliness.  “We live in a culture that celebrate strength and shun weakness.    I feared that if I show weakness in telling others, I, too, will be shunned.”

Listening to all their stories, I could not help but noticed how absolutely “upside down” our society can be.  Media has created an image of mental health patients being prone to violence.  Yet the reality is the exact opposite:  Those living with mental illness are far more likely to be victims of violence than being perpetrators.  With all the stigma about those having a mental illness being emotionally  “weak”, the people that I met in the group are among the strongest I have ever met.  What impressed me the most was not only their bravery in speaking out, but their courage to stand against the tide of culture and redefine how life is supposed to “work”.

“People say I have a ‘disorder’, but as I battle my way through life, with a purpose and passion to help others along the way, I feel that my life has never been more ‘in order’!”

“My mental illness has truly been a gift…albeit wrapped in barbed wire” chuckled one person, “It has given me the desire to connect with people and share my story, not to hand out answers, but to share hope.  And THAT is the singular most important thing for all of us.”

As I drove away that night, my thoughts returned to my daughter’s “Opposite Day”.  I thought about the group.  I thought about all that I have heard that night.   Each person who spoke have been labelled as having an “illness” by society.   But listening to their voices, hearing the passion in their hearts and seeing the hope in their eyes made me wonder:  Who is “healthy”?  Who is “ill”?

It’s “Opposite Day” all over again.

(Please check back often as I invite the members of the group to contribute their own stories.)

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The Moral of the Story…

by Alfred Lam on August 24, 2009

When I was in grade 4, every afternoon just before school is out my teacher would gather the class and tell us a story.  It became something that all of us looked forward to during those hot, sleepy Hong Kong afternoons.  At the end of each story she would always ask the same question: “Class, what is the moral of the story?”  and then proceed to talk to us about the life principle that the story was supposed to illustrate.

Throughout much of human history, and for most of us, that’s how teaching and learning took place.  Stories are passed down from one generation to the next, and embedded in those stories are timeless truths and principles that teach us how to live:

The boy who cried “Wolf!” – Don’t lie or people won’t believe you even when you tell the truth.

The Hare and the Tortoise – Arrogance will lead you to your downfall.

We have become so accustomed to this way of learning that when we hear a story, instinctively we know to look beneath the plot and between the lines to search for the “moral” of it.

What about the Bible?  What if , rather than being 66 separate “books”, it is really one continuous story?  What would the moral of that story be?

Among others, one constant theme that recurs throughout the pages of Scriptures is simply this: It is a dangerous thing whenever people feel that they have figured out the final word on God. 

Throughout the biblical story, there has been no shortage of people who wanted to speak for God.  Specifically, they wanted to draw lines and boundaries and determine whose “side” God is on.   So we see this cat and mouse game played over and over again:  Man would draw a circle and decide who was “in” and who was “out” as far as God was concerned.   God would come along with a big eraser and rub that out, accepting and embracing those who had been rejected.   Man would then try and draw a bigger circle, and God would come again with the eraser, and so on. 

Sometimes the circle was drawn racially, as in the Jews and Gentiles divide.

Sometimes it was drawn religiously, as in the question regarding circumcision.

But one thing remained the same: Whenever man thinks he’s got God figured out and draw a circle, God comes along and rub it out.

The moral of the story?  Perhaps our job is not to draw circles at all.    And the people who lives on the edges and margins of the circles we have drawn, may be we should take special care in hearing their voices, because they may be the people that God wants most to embrace and accept.

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